I'M OVERWHELMED BY PARENTING BOOKS AND I'M NOT EVEN A PARENT pt. 1
Speaking to new parents, it becomes apparent that parenting books are rather divisive.
It seems there are two camps: Camp Make-It-Up-As-You-Go-Along and Camp I-Laminated-My-Baby’s-Schedule.
I hear two currently conflicting viewpoints from the two camps. From the former,
“UGH. Parenting books. Parenting apps. They were awful. They made me depressed and made me doubt myself as a mother. They made me doubt my baby and her abilities. They turned her into a statistic and a ‘should be.’ It was draining.”
And, from the latter,
“I LOVED the parenting book I followed. It gave me sanity and structure when everything about having a newborn was super scary. Being regimented about feed and sleep times definitely regulated our routine and hence, my mood and my baby daddy’s.”
Personally, I’m in Camp-I-Don’t-Even-Know-If-I-Want-Kids, and I’m not alone - more about that in another post. That being said, I still think parenting is fascinating, and I love observing personal transformations of all kinds - what changes you more than having a child?
Amongst my camp, we also make fun of new parents, as my friend Lina says, “7:28am, open blinds, 7:29am fart, 7:30am pick up sleeping baby.”
A friend who recently had her second baby (mabrook!) observed that super chill people became much more Type-A as parents…and that some of her more rigid friends learned to relax upon the introduction of kiddy chaos into their lives.
On that basis, we can find the right parenting resource (i.e. book/blog/vlog) for our parenting style…and in some cases, none at all (as another friend says, “I simply watched my mother”). Here are some suggestions from my astoundingly generous online community:
Joana Filipa Weaver ‘We’re going on a bear hunt!’ Best lessons ever!
Ellen Williams Hmmm, for little people happiest baby/ toddler on the block (conveniently also on TV).
Varenka Schwarz Janet Lansbury. She has blogs, podcasts and 2 great books: Elevating childcare and No bad kids, toddler discipline without shame.
Georgette Saliba Experience hehe or messing it up until you get it right one of these days 🙄
Michael A. Frels Read Love and Anger (I read this myself, I found it super relatable…it’s rare to find honesty about how to deal with unruly kiddos).
Gwen Watson Daniel Siegel books - parenting from the inside out is a great one to examine your own childhood and bring awareness to what emotions might get stirred up while navigating the rollercoaster of parenting. He has other great books too on neuroscience behind emotions/ tantrums and one on parenting teens!
Reem Al-Ali Wonder Weeks, Cribsheet, Happiest Baby, and Permission to Parent.
Liane Al Ghusain I've been gifting Itsy Bitsy Yoga and the Yoga Animal/Bug series by Sarah Jane Hinder. I also got Philippa Perry’s The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad You Did) and feel like I’m learning so much about the psychology of parenting…and even about how I was parented!
Nauf Al-Moawad I hated all the what to expect books. How and when things should be happening - so much anxiety!! How to talk so kids will listen was good, but generally I found parenting books too idealistic and structured if that makes sense? Children’s books: Dr Seuss, The Day The Crayons Quit, etc ❤️
Lyn Azad Janet Lansbury, Martha Gerber and Françoise Dolto. “Lorsque l’enfant parait” by Dolto is just great. I’m sure you’ll find it in English.
Ellen Williams We have bringing up bebe, which was good for me because it gave me permission to break with American customs, but the book itself can be seen as a put down. Lots of infant sleep books that are utter nonsense, dr spock and what to expect that are pretty alarmist (all the things that can go wrong). For pregnancy, I read all of Ina May Gaskins work. Super crunchy, but allowed me to tap in to a network of women who don't see birth as an illness, instead something powerful and sacred. Brandon like husband coached child birth, said it made him feel less useless through the process.
Ellen Williams Kids books are an entirely different game. 0-1 i love cloth books because they last. There's a line of indestructible books (one of the authors is Amy pixton) that have survived 5 years at a childcare center and my 3 kiddos. All the classics (I usually gift harold and the purple crayon or the gruffalo year one).
Cassidy Goodwin How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk the survival guide for 2-7 year olds. Everything else I liked about pregnancy were mostly apps. And bringing up Bebe (also called why French kids don’t throw food) is a fun read.
Caitlin Duffy Weissbluth’s Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was what I needed in our darkest days, not just for his speech about sleep but also the ‘overly fussy baby’ solidarity. before Oisin I read Ina and my Hypnobabies manual but that was about it. KellyMom’s website answered so many breastfeeding concerns. Unruffled podcast and the village of neighborhood moms with same age babes in north brooklyn.
Nafen Socar Just our mothers.
Thank you to everyone who contributed to the discussion! If you’re reading now and want to chime in, please feel free to comment below xx