FROM THE ARCHIVES: 15-YEAR-OLD SELF WRITES PRECOCIOUS ESSAY ABOUT GROWING UP
The year is 2002. I am grounded, forced to stay home all weekend. I was rebellious as a teenager, I wanted to go to house parties and talk to boys. This was not acceptable in (culturally conservative, largely Muslim) Kuwait. Hence, I was not allowed to leave the house for two weekends straight, with a caveat of no friends over and no cell phone. Since I was home anyway, I decided I would throw myself into my English class writing assignment, which was a response essay to Dino Buzzati’s short story, The Falling Girl.
Here is the essay, written 19 years ago at the time of this post:
Liane Al Ghusain
October 2002
Falling Girl:
Reasons why this story fulfills my needs for a good story
Have you ever felt like you were so deeply immersed in a decision or a lie that you felt you were falling and that you would never hit the rock bottom of the doom that awaited you? If you have, then as you were falling, you felt anxious, not knowing what to anticipate. Marta, the falling girl in the story is a perfect example of an adolescent making a hasty decision without realizing the consequences. This story fulfilled my needs for a good story because it made me understand myself better and made me feel like I could make better judgments and I felt closer to the social environment I live in, as well as the consequences of my decisions and the descriptions set my imaginations free, thinking about what a mysterious and devilishly obscure place the world is.
The beginning of the story, with the description of the city below made me truly understand the meaning of the phrase “Stories are a playground for language”. The descriptions of the city and the sunset made me hungry for more of the story. I wanted to read more about the beautiful way the sun was setting.
I could imagine the sunset, illuminated by colors even a child with a deluxe set of Crayola® crayons couldn’t dream of. The sunset symbolized the end of something in Marta’s life, the end of all sweet, vivid childhood memories and the beginning of the unknown, a time of oblivion, which was symbolized by dusk.
“It was in fact an hour when the city is seized by inspiration and whoever is not blind is swept away by it”. The end of the sun, ended in a sudden contraction, a “long spasm of sunset”, plunging into the sea “the sun had plunged into the sea, one could see it disappear, transformed into a shimmering red mushroom”. After letting go of the childhood she was so accustomed to, she looked down at the magical city, which both frightened and intrigued her.
The author made the city down below sound like a place from a fairy tale, “a sweet abyss burning with pulsating lights”. He/She described the city in such a way that I myself wanted to throw myself off the top of my adolescence into the city of adulthood, full of “powerful men, and women who were even more powerful…neon signs of nightclubs, the entrance halls of darkened mansions, fountains, diamonds, old silent gardens, parties, desires, affairs, and, above all, that consuming sorcery of the evening which provokes dreams of greatness and glory”. Reading about this city stirred within me the desire to live, breathe the greatness of what I can’t have, it made my ambitions elevate to levels that are unimaginable, not only did my imagination escalate to the playground of language but to the amusement park of aspiration.
Marta’s journey and the ending of it, the dire finale her life came to in such a short period of time gave me a different perspective on life and how to live it. I learned about the consequences that could come from my actions and how to avoid rushing life and savor every aspect.
Marta feeling dizzy before letting herself fall from the tall skyscraper was an indication, a warning that what she was about to experience wasn’t as untainted by hatred and cruelty that it seemed from the top. I realized this about myself, I too see things from a view that can blind me from the heartless ways of the world and the irony of the turn of events. I fail to see the negative effects of things I see and do. Even though the ride is fun, the sudden stop it comes to and the consequences that are attained from it are not worth it. Like many other teenagers, I want to rush life and go straight to the dessert instead of relishing the main course. I see growing up as not such a positive part of life. Marta realizes this too, but she realizes it too late. “Marta now felt a tremor growing inside her; perhaps it was just cold; but it may have been fear too, the fear of having made an error without remedy.”
I understand now that my parents aren’t trying to forbid me from growing up, but are trying to make sure that I don’t hurry growing up and forget to enjoy it. The thought of landing with a thud without being able to appreciate and dwell in the beautiful world of adults gives me cynicism towards the world and how unfair it can be. This is something I both need and want in order to succeed and the story of the falling girl fulfills this need.
The intense kingdom that I thought awaited me at the end of my adolescence seems disappointedly illusory but I’m filled with determination to make sure that I learn from Marta’s mistake and I land on my feet. The city may seem more unreal after seeing the consequences that hastiness can bring, but it makes me want that perfect life of laughter and music like Adam wanted that forbidden fruit. “Down there opportunity was waiting for her, fate, romance, the true inauguration of her life”.
The people in the building and the other falling girls helped me connect the story to myself and to understand my relationship with my social environment. From reading the story I feel a sense of belonging, that I’m not the only one hurrying to grow up, and I have a place in the crazy world of falling girls, cosmopolitan adults, and splattering old women. I feel recognized as a falling girl and have every right to feel impatient or curious. When Marta was falling, she passed many people on different floors and other girls of her age and many of them were symbols that related to the social environment I live in.
The way that the rich people were on the top of the building got to see pretty young girls falling and the people on the bottom only got to see decrepit old women hitting the ground, which symbolizes the social classes that exist everywhere, especially in Kuwait. People who are rich and are on the top of the building of life can blind themselves with money and pretend that there’s only beauty in the world and that the falling girls never land or get old. The people on the bottom can only see poverty and misfortune, they hear the tragic thuds of young women who’ve wasted their lives.
As Marta is falling, she is offered drinks, parties and gallant young men offer to whisk her away into their world where money is authority, and beauty is mandatory. “The beautiful people, then, were interested in her and that filled with her satisfaction. She felt fascinating, stylish.” In my environment, these are temptations, things that give me a sneak preview of what awaits me and they drive me to accelerate to adulthood, things like freedom, boys, money, success. As Marta falls she sees other girls falling around her. “Along the sides of the skyscraper many other young women were plunging downward, their faces taut with excitement….It was a contest then.” As a teenager, there are many other girls around me growing up and it goes without saying that we are all competing against each other. We compete to be the most attractive, the friendliest, the best dressed…the list is endless.
I learned from the story that we shouldn’t be jealous of one another but we should help each other along the journey of womanhood and give each other advice on the safest way to get down from the top of the building.
Once Marta reaches the bottom levels of the building she passes the poorer people living in the building, people who are accustomed to seeing old women passing their windows anticipating a thud when they hit the ground, and being disappointed when they aren’t supplied with one. I realized about my social environment that there are people like this, on the bottom floor and they feel bitterness about their low position in the building. They like to see people fall flat on their faces, and are satisfied when they hear a nice big thud.
From the story ‘The Falling Girl’ I realized a lot of things about myself and about life in general. I learned how moved I am by beautiful descriptions and how much I want to live in that magical untouchable world even more than I had perceived. I connected many of the people and things that Marta saw to the social environment I live in and that competition is not necessary for life, but appreciation is definitely a necessity. I discovered that I was hurrying life more than I should and that I should slow down my pace if I want to luxuriate in all that life has to offer. If I am given the choice, I will doubtlessly take the elevator.
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Reading this back, I’m almost glad I got grounded. Glad in the same way I am for the pandemic era, for giving us so much introspective time. Writing this essay made me want to go to school as a literature major, and that’s exactly what I did! Grateful to my incredible high school English teachers, Ms. Heather Campbell and Mr. James Perovich. Thank you for imparting so much passion!