I was invited by Dorna earlier this year (although it feels like 500 years ago!) to give a talk on entrepreneurship. It was humbling to be considered alongside giants like Bibi Hayat and Sawsan Daana, though my imposter syndrome kicked in for a second (am I really an entrepreneur? can I say anything worthwhile?)…but then I reminded myself of what I had accomplished so far.

My freelance writing career started at Nuqat, honing the art conference’s themes and writing up their conference and workshop guides (before that I helped establish and manage the Contemporary Art Platform, Kuwait). Slowly, my client portfolio grew, and when I say slowly, I mean that it took YEARS to have more than 2 or 3 clients.

There was a growing demand for copywriting work, in both English and Arabic, and some of my biggest struggles were around finding Arabic translators and writers that were dependable, good, and affordable. The boom in the Kuwait F&B industry around 2016 led to my workload expanding (hello, third-wave coffee! Donut burgers! Indian-Kuwaiti-Latin American-European fusion food!)

I found that my business experienced the most growth when I added Arabic to our services, and when I got the copywriting agency branded and officially registered at the bank. Now, we are The Scribes. Woohoo! 

So here are my key takeaways from my Dorna talk about entrepreneurship and working for yourself:

1. Appreciate Your Privilege (but don’t undersell yourself)

There’s a privilege in taking risks. Often, starting out your business necessitates sacrifice and support, from both yourself and others. Your spouse may have extra financial strain until you start earning money. Your mental health might suffer, keeping you up with anxiety about seed money and finding office space. These stressors are also indicators that you’re pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. Be grateful for the option to experiment and take risks.

In the beginning, I offered my services at a base rate. I charged as low as I could and sometimes did free work for students and artists.

When you’re starting out, experience matters more than pay.

That being said, you need to keep yourself motivated with the promise of a reward. It took a long time for me to get comfortable with what I charged clients, and these days what I do is break down each job by how long I think it will take and charge clients by the hour (email me or sign up for a coaching session to figure out how to price your services).

As long as you think what you’re charging is fair, DO NOT NEGOTIATE.

If you see the clients’ point — let’s say you want to charge them for 5 design options, and they only want 2 — then go ahead and lower your prices. But if they just think you should charge less because they don’t want to pay, then trust me, don’t do it. This sets a bad precedent in so many ways and can affect your self-worth. The funny thing is, those clients will usually go to someone cheaper, then come back to you to fix the terrible work they got way below market price.

2. Your business can fail but your reputation PREVAILS

The only true failure is when you fail yourself and your values. It’s super important to be kind and honest in EVERYTHING you do so that you can live without regrets.

It’s super mystifying to me when people become someone else at work, as though the more shark-like and mean they become, the more successful they will be. Work doesn’t have to be stressful. 

You don’t always have to get your way. Throughout the highs and lows of your life, I believe that staying graceful when things don’t go your way is one of the most important successes you can attain. You can be successful and treat people you work with kindly - make jokes, inquire (appropriately) about their personal lives, and comfort them when they’re worried. It’s wonderful to be known as someone who is good at what they do and is easy to work with. Your career becomes (mostly) pure joy!

3. Find Balance

There are two prevailing stereotypes of people who work for themselves: the pajama-wearing bum and the tireless hustler. Let yourself be both!

For me, this means waking up early and being pretty disciplined about how I spend the first few hours of my day since it’s when my brain is the freshest. I highly recommend the book Atomic Habits - it’s helped me see my habits as a “stack” of actions.

I realize there’s a ‘yin’ and a ‘yang’ energy throughout my days. Sometimes I’m writing, producing, ideating and other times I’m reading, researching, and listening. When my career is more ‘yang’ i.e. my schedule is more full and intense, I make sure to ‘yin’ a little bit extra in my personal life i.e. I treat myself to a massage over the weekend or salon treatment. What’s the point of making money if you don’t use some of it to treat yourself? When my career is a bit more ‘yin’ and my schedule is not as full, I take on challenges in my personal life, i.e. I re-organize my space, sign up for a course, or organize a gathering, and so on.

I even adjust my workout intensity according to what’s going on at work!

4. Female vs. Feminine Empowerment

I don’t like being called a “female entrepreneur.” Female is not an adjective. Feminine is. Often, we are rewarded for being masculine at work - for thinking in a linear fashion, sealing deals, being focused, and intent about achieving what we set out to do.

Culturally, we don’t applaud feminine behavior in the workplace, though it’s often what keeps the whole machine oiled.

Both men and women and can be both feminine and masculine in the workplace. I like to recognize that a big part of my success comes from my feminine skillset, which includes emotional labor such as:

•  Listening to what everyone has to say and integrating it into the final outcome

•  Caring for everyone’s wellbeing and doing things like organizing team retreats or ordering the food for meetings

•  Assuring everyone that everything will be ok that we will meet the deadline, please the client, etc (also known as surface acting).

5. COMPETITION IS GOOD

First of all, competition is how you know there is a demand for what you have to offer. 

Second of all, competition keeps you on your toes. It pushes you to specialize in what you’re good at and to keep learning new skills.

I prefer to think of my competitors merely as other creatures in my eco-system. I reach out to other copywriters when a client asks for something I think they’d be better at, and pass the job along to them with the hope that they’d do the same for me.

This might sound really dumb, but that’s what capitalism wants you to think. I end up with clients that respect me more, instead of ones that are disappointed with what I have to offer.

I think asking for help is one of the biggest shows of strength and self-compassion. When I ask for help, I’m also giving someone else the opportunity to feel useful. We all like to feel needed, no?

And speaking of help, please comment below with some advice for other people who want to be their own boss!

The older we get, the more RSVPing is a thing. The better we get at hosting, the more insistent we get on knowing the number of people showing up to our house. I mean, how many fondue sets should Dana put out? Am I pre-ordering 3 or 4 pizzas for the Rupaul Drag Race finale?

Recently, we were RSVPing on a WhatsApp group to a gathering, and people were responding as couples. The Smiths. The Hassans. The newly married Salahs (mabrook!).

Winai Namwong Making Art Project / Mr.fail : Cartoon for Inter-Human Relationship " You will not be lonely anymore because we are lonely together "

One of my single girlfriends made a joke about it, and all the other singles chimed in in support. “We’re coming too!” “Wanna be my plus one?” It was pretty cute to see. I think I’m pretty lucky to be part of a “mixed” group of friends - that is, made up of both singles and couples, men and women. It keeps things interesting for everyone, I think. But what about those socially isolated groups?

Do people feel they have to only hang out with other couples after they get married? And only have “girls” and “boys” nights otherwise?

Why does this mindset exist? The cynic in me thinks that everyone gets self-conscious once marriage starts to unite us, and, ironically, divide us. So, for single people, we don’t hang out with other couples because it makes us feel “behind.” I’ve had girlfriends confide in me, telling me about how they thought they’d be married by now. How they’re sad their friends are having babies without them. Basically, that hanging out with couples makes them feel depressed about not being “on track” in their personal lives. Another thing single people worry about is posing a threat to couples. My girlfriends and I have actually discussed tactics for dealing with jealous/possessive wives. I’ve heard guys talk about how their newly married guy friends don’t want to introduce their wives to them, and kind of just, disappear.

And in the case of couples, perhaps they too feel like they are out of sync when they compare themselves to their single friends. I’ve had a friend who just had her third baby sit me down and say, “ok, now tell me exciting things about the world out there. What adventure are you going on next?” She wants to know about movies that aren’t about animated cars and hear about disastrous first dates. This kind of curiosity and honesty is rare. Most “mommies” (and “daddies,” honestly) seem to feel deflated about being wholly dedicated to their kids (for now), and the self-involved presence of single people perhaps sharpens that feeling.

In both cases, having people around who can’t identify with your major gripes can be challenging. Yes, I need to bitch about how lonely it is to order or cook food for one person. Do I need you to feel the same? No.

Discover & share this Lauv GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

Perhaps you think I don’t want to hear about how hard it is to share an apartment with someone who prefers to live at arctic temperatures. Honestly, if I care about you, I want to hear about what you’re going through. I think we could all learn a thing or two about compassionate listening, and it starts with putting yourself aside, making some time, and keeping friendships through thick and thin, matrimony and singledom.