Until I took IB Biology in high school, I thought that testosterone was the male hormone, and estrogen was the female one.

I’d always imagined it was testosterone that made Tarzan beat his chest and estrogen that made me kiss my dolls goodnight.

I wasn’t completely wrong, but it turns out hormones are more complicated than that. Hormones are responsible for more than developing our sexuality. They are the messengers of our bodies, sending all kinds of push notifications throughout our cells - technically, the insulin that breaks down the sugar we eat, the melatonin that puts us to sleep, and the motilin that helps us push our poop out (if you know me, you know how much I love poop!) are all hormones.

By the time I reached university, I’d started to resent my female hormones. I thought that my PMS (the cramps and bad moods you get before you menstruate) were caused by an increase in my hormones. I felt that biology was being unfair to us somehow by burdening us with estrogen…wrong again!

Actually, women are not ‘hormonal’ when they get their periods. What happens is that our estrogen and progesterone levels plummet - and guess what else drops with our hormones? That’s right, serotonin, also known as the happy chemical.

So, we’re not actually hormonal when are PMSing, or even when we hit menopause (during menopause, your body pretty much stops producing estrogen) - we’re MISSING our hormones.

Estrogen makes women generally happier, as it promotes the release of serotonin (more about that in a later post)…and for men, testosterone is, believe it or not, converted into estrogen when it reaches the brain.

Hence, why hormonal fluctuations are actually linked to depression, not to mention a bunch of other gnarly symptoms 😿 So what can we do about it?

1. Learn about your hormone cycle

   I love this super practical guide on Huda Beauty about how to manage your skin during your cycle (I even learned that the period flu isn’t a myth!) The article Your Brain on PMS is Like Your Brain on Alcohol and Antidepressants also makes some great points about how the modern women has more periods, and hence more PMS, than our antecedents (we used to be pregnant for most of our short lives!)
   
   And, if you’re a guy, you’re not above it - we all have hormonal cycles - in the case of men, testosterone also plays a huge seasonal, daily, and even hourly role in your mood…and there’s even something called Irritable Male Syndrome if you’re a particularly moody dude.

2. Check in with your doctor about your hormone levels

   So, birth control can make PMS better, but it can also make it worse. The Pill brings up your progesterone, which breaks down and acts as the “brain’s police force” it regulates, making sure there isn’t ‘too much excitement’ going on.” If your progesterone levels are too high, then you may need to switch birth control pills or switch over to a method that is non-hormonal. If you’re still feeling blue, ask your doctor to test your thyroid or talk to a therapist to see if you’re clinically depressed.

3. Increase your serotonin levels naturally

The first thing you can do is exercise and change your diet. My friend Lubna also recommends 5-Htp pills, since they help your body create more serotonin, and vitamin B6 pills are also recommended - both can be found anywhere they sell supplements. In case of emergency, there’s always baby animal videos 😁

The older we get, the more RSVPing is a thing. The better we get at hosting, the more insistent we get on knowing the number of people showing up to our house. I mean, how many fondue sets should Dana put out? Am I pre-ordering 3 or 4 pizzas for the Rupaul Drag Race finale?

Recently, we were RSVPing on a WhatsApp group to a gathering, and people were responding as couples. The Smiths. The Hassans. The newly married Salahs (mabrook!).

Winai Namwong Making Art Project / Mr.fail : Cartoon for Inter-Human Relationship " You will not be lonely anymore because we are lonely together "

One of my single girlfriends made a joke about it, and all the other singles chimed in in support. “We’re coming too!” “Wanna be my plus one?” It was pretty cute to see. I think I’m pretty lucky to be part of a “mixed” group of friends - that is, made up of both singles and couples, men and women. It keeps things interesting for everyone, I think. But what about those socially isolated groups?

Do people feel they have to only hang out with other couples after they get married? And only have “girls” and “boys” nights otherwise?

Why does this mindset exist? The cynic in me thinks that everyone gets self-conscious once marriage starts to unite us, and, ironically, divide us. So, for single people, we don’t hang out with other couples because it makes us feel “behind.” I’ve had girlfriends confide in me, telling me about how they thought they’d be married by now. How they’re sad their friends are having babies without them. Basically, that hanging out with couples makes them feel depressed about not being “on track” in their personal lives. Another thing single people worry about is posing a threat to couples. My girlfriends and I have actually discussed tactics for dealing with jealous/possessive wives. I’ve heard guys talk about how their newly married guy friends don’t want to introduce their wives to them, and kind of just, disappear.

And in the case of couples, perhaps they too feel like they are out of sync when they compare themselves to their single friends. I’ve had a friend who just had her third baby sit me down and say, “ok, now tell me exciting things about the world out there. What adventure are you going on next?” She wants to know about movies that aren’t about animated cars and hear about disastrous first dates. This kind of curiosity and honesty is rare. Most “mommies” (and “daddies,” honestly) seem to feel deflated about being wholly dedicated to their kids (for now), and the self-involved presence of single people perhaps sharpens that feeling.

In both cases, having people around who can’t identify with your major gripes can be challenging. Yes, I need to bitch about how lonely it is to order or cook food for one person. Do I need you to feel the same? No.

Discover & share this Lauv GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

Perhaps you think I don’t want to hear about how hard it is to share an apartment with someone who prefers to live at arctic temperatures. Honestly, if I care about you, I want to hear about what you’re going through. I think we could all learn a thing or two about compassionate listening, and it starts with putting yourself aside, making some time, and keeping friendships through thick and thin, matrimony and singledom.